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::.Chores are unequally divided between us...
Inequality in the division of labor in the household can promote a disorganized physical environment as well as anxiety and resentment. Here are some solutions to three common household chore scenarios.
1. Division of Labor
If you do more work around the house than your spouse, a build-up of resentment and anger can bleed into other issues, says Dr. Polston.
The Solution
Clarify: Sit down with your spouse and clarify that you need to shoulder duties equally.
Remain calm: Agree to discuss this in a calm, non-blaming manner.
Identify Duties: "The first question," says Dr. Polston, "is how clearly delineated are the duties divided up between the spouses?" For example, make a list of who cleans what, who takes out garbage and recycling, who handles dishes and vacuuming, etc. Identify what you both can do to make the loads more equal.
2. One Spouse Does a Sloppy Job
When chores are half-completed, or completed in a sloppy manner, feelings of hurt, disappointment, and anger can arise. The sloppiness may be viewed as an insult by the other partner. You can resolve this situation by collaboration and flexibility.
The Solution
Collaborate: State clearly that you and your spouse are collaborators in this marriage and that everyone must do his or her share for the sake of marital balance.
Make a list: Dr. Polston recommends having both of you make and exchange a list of 5 to 10 burdensome activities. Mark a 1, 2, or 3 beside what your partner considers burdensome. Take turns choosing which ones you'll take for 2 weeks. Create a schedule: Specify when and how these duties will be fulfilled. A willingness to be flexible will help both of you approach tasks with more enthusiasm.
3. We Argue About Who Does What
The Solution
Work together: "Collaboration really counts here," says Dr. Polston. "People grapple with exhaustion, work pressures, and home chores." Instead of arguing, call a truce on the subject of household duties. Sit down with each other and acknowledge that you have a problem and that you can solve it together.
Make a list: Create a list of who does what and when. Ask each other "How can I lighten your load?" Dr. Polston says: "This is perhaps the most important question that spouses must ask each other if they want to keep their marriage moving and growing."
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