::.We argue about where and when we're going to retire...

Retirement is a major life transition and planning for it can  sometimes be tricky. Constant arguments with your spouse over where and when you'll retire will leave you both feeling tense and fearful about your future together and alienation could be the result. To  solve this problem, you'll need a healthy dose of loving  communication.

The  Solution
 

• Recognize the problem: Sit down with your spouse. Acknowledge that you have a problem.
   

 

• Call a cease-fire: Discuss your problem in the least threatening situation you can  create. You may try this at home, but it requires a truce and an  agreement between the two of you to listen without interrupting and  work together toward a compromise.

 

• Identify shared goals: Talk enough so that you discover shared dreams and goals.

 

• Meet again: If at first you don't agree, discuss the matter again as soon as it is  convenient for both of you.
   

 

• Try joint counseling: Go see a counselor together. Kinzley notes, "This way, issues get out in the open while spouses feel relatively more neutral than they do at home." Another advantage to seeking joint help: "A couple can  gain needed objective guidance about how to plan for the future,"  says Kinzley. Some members of the clergy and therapists such as Kinzley have years of experience counseling people in transitions such as yours.