::.My partner and I argue a lot...
Caution: Constant arguments can lead to lack of interest in sex as well as other problems. If you and your spouse find yourselves in a state of conflict most of the time, you'll have little room for more positive interactions and your marriage will suffer. Take heart--there are answers.
The Solution
- Nurture yourself: "If you want your relationship to stay vibrant and alive, you need to shift from depending on your partner's validation to validating yourself," says Dr. Schnarch.
- Stop: Stop arguing. Consider how things could feel if you "stop expecting your partner to agree with you, or accept what you say, or approve of you for saying it," suggests Dr. Schnarch.
Take tough action: Do what's hardest for you, suggests Dr. Schnarch. "That way you're most likely adding to the balance your relationship needs (and adding to your growth), rather than doing more of what comes easiest to you." If it's difficult for you to talk tenderly to yourself, do it. If it's hard to stop arguing, stop anyway.
