::.I don't want to raise too many differences with my partner because I'm afraid of what he or she will say...
If you're afraid to discuss issues where you differ from your partner, you may very well be hurting your personal and marital growth. Failure to disclose can prevent your partner from knowing who you really are and eventually hurt your marriage--after all, how can you be happily married to a "stranger"?
The Solution
- Nurture yourself: "Shift from depending on your partner's validation to validating yourself," says Dr. Schnarch.
- Speak up: "When you hit the topics you can't agree (and can't agree to disagree) about, your partner isn't going to cheer for you when you won't speak up..." says Schnarch. Communication is essential for resolution.
- Take tough action: How do you know when it's time to speak your truth versus when it's time to listen to your partner? "Do what's hardest for you to do," says Dr. Schnarch. "That way you're most likely adding to the balance your relationship needs (and adding to your growth), rather than doing more of what comes easiest to you." For example, if it's easy to stay silent, speak up! If it's easy for you to criticize yourself, praise yourself instead.
