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By Kate Mayfield and Malcolm Levene
You must look young ... You must be thin ... Beautiful people are more important.
With daunting messages such as these coming from the media, it's no wonder we have such a skewed body image! The good news is that there are things you can do to change the way you feel about your appearance:
1. Identify and Remember Your Assets
Everyone has at least one attractive or positive feature or characteristic. In fact, we have never met anyone who does not have several assets such as a nice smile, a good sense of humor, intelligence, pretty eyes, a strong sense of values ... the list goes on and on. What are your assets? Write them down and remember them when you are feeling less than positive about your image.
2. Talk Back to Your Negative Body Talk
"Body talk" is the audiotape often negative that we constantly play in our minds. "I'm too fat ... I'm not pretty enough ... I look old ... My nose is too big." When you become aware of this useless negative chatter, you can begin to actively change it by talking back:
Old body talk: "Oh, look at my backside in this jacket! I look huge!"
New body talk: "This jacket is not the right fit or style for my body shape. I'll find a jacket that fits and flatters me."
3. Stop Comparing Yourself Unfairly
Have you ever noticed your thoughts after seeing a model, a beautiful actress or a handsome actor? "Wow, I wish I was as thin as her ... I'll never be as fit as that guy ... I ought to get my hair styled like hers."
By comparing yourself to others, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment. Go back to remembering your assets; think of what is good about you.
4. Stop Magnifying What You Think Are Flaws
OK, so you're not perfect. Who is? But the more attention you give to your imperfections, the worse you think they become. When you look in the mirror, they become all you can see.
Realize that the flaws that you are magnifying are usually never noticed by anyone else. Be kinder to yourself. Treat yourself as you would expect a friend would treat you with compassion.
5. Stop Blaming
When you find yourself blaming your appearance because you didn't get the job or because your date never called again, try taking your looks out of the equation. Ask yourself, "What are other reasons why I might not have gotten that job? Could I have been overqualified? Was I prepared for the interview?" An honest assessment of the situation will help you in the future.
6. Stop Trying to Read Other People's Minds
"She must be noticing my large ears ... Is he looking at my belly?" Since you don't know what other people are thinking, stop worrying about it and instead change the way you are thinking. Concentrate on being friendly and communicative, because those qualities -- and not your appearance -- are what people will take away from their time spent with you.
7. Stop Limiting Your Activities and Aspirations
"I can't wear a certain color ... I can't go to the party with this terrible haircut ... I can't go to a dance class because I don't look like a dancer." Choose one thing that you think you can't do because of the way you look, and then ask yourself why not. If you are truthful, you will either change your thinking or take action to change your situation.
8. Beware of Your Moods
Have you ever noticed that when you are having a bad day, the negative emotions spill over into your feelings about your appearance? When you're in a bad mood, it's not a good time to make decisions about anything, particularly decisions related to your clothes and your appearance. The key is to realize that your bad mood came first. Ask yourself what is really bothering you, and you'll realize that your appearance is rarely the real issue.
9. Relax
The next time you're standing in front of a mirror trying on clothes, take a long deep breath, relax your muscles and let go of the tension. Finding ways to relax will alter the way you feel and in turn the way you look. Remember, very often how you feel is how you look.
Try experimenting with different relaxation techniques. Find a modality that suits you and your lifestyle, and then use it regularly; your body image will gradually begin to change for the better.
10. Exercise
Physical activity is most rewarding when you do it to improve your fitness and health, instead of exercising to achieve a certain look. As you workout, your moods will improve and you'll become stronger, which will likely lift your confidence level and make you feel more empowered.
11. Learn How to Deal With Provocative People
Do not let anyone say negative things about your appearance without responding in a way that promotes your self-worth. Open a conversation with the person who has offended you. Be specific about the problem and communicate how you feel about it with "I" messages: "I felt hurt ... I felt angry ... I felt embarrassed." No one can argue with your feelings. Also express what you need the other person to do: "I'm asking you not to call me names." Having the courage to do this and acting in a responsible way will do wonders for your self-esteem.
12. Stand in Front of the Mirror and Say Something Nice About Your Body
Don't just tell yourself how great you are or repeat positive-thinking mantras that you don't really believe. To be truly healing and liberating, your comments must be authentic and compassionate.
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